28 August 2007

What about today?

As I watch my babies growing, made more prominent by new milestones, I am left to wonder about all of the yesterdays. The Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda's that pop up now and then...
I wonder what would have happened if...
I hadn't chosen to join the military, or marry so young, or if I hadn't lost my father at the time I did, what if I had kept my career rather than giving it up to be with my second husband, where would I be now?
I don't necessarily have regrets or wish that things would have been much differently, though I do wonder what decisions I make today will one day be the hard learned lessons we try so hard to avoid.
So many what ifs to ponder and yet I am constantly thinking about tomorrow as well. The Should I's and the What abouts. So much thinking and at the same time trying to focus on today.
Today of course being the most important...
The memories we make today being the things we will look back on in the future... the decisions we make today being the things that will determine the future.
My babies will continue to grow and slowly the possibilities will dwindle (for me). I am past the point of changing the course of my life but just beginning to watch my children be who they will one day be.
I can only hope that they will enjoy each day and not focus so much on "when I am's", so that someday they will also notice that time has passed and that they were so focused on where they have been, and where they want to go that they didn't notice all the amazing moments happening each day.

Today...only a few short hours of a lifetime of hours... but so were the hours when my babies were born, the day at the zoo, the afternoon spent at the ballet recital, the first day of school, the first few days of walking, the first words that were only seconds, the telling of a funny story, a special day spent with my babies. All leading to the hours that will someday be a wedding and the birth of a grandchild.
Today...I will look at my babies and see them as they were when they were little... the funny moments, the laughs that kept coming, the tears, the boo boo's that mommy's kisses could fix. I will look at my babies and see them as they might someday be and think of them as strong adults with a path in life and a happiness in their hearts. Mostly though I hope to look at my babies every day and see them as they are... beautiful and precious, funny and silly, kind and loving, and free to be... I will look at their eyes and look at their toes and I will listen when they talk to me and I hope, above all things, that I will be able to let today be full enough to last a lifetime.


Retha said...

I have been reading your writings for some time now, you write in such away that I am able to feel through your times as well!

Spidey said...

I agree. I was wondering if you have ever considered activating the DATE feature for your blog so that the entries have dates. Some times I am not sure if I am reading a post from today or last month, so it makes it hard to post a relevant comment.

Keep on blogging, you are fun to read!

Retha said...

To quote King Julian from the Madagascar Movie.
"After much thinking of profound thoughts in my head"- your head- and you still found the time to go through my rambles is an honour to me.
Thank you!

The dates does not bother me! In the context of your blog, it is irrelevant.
But then maybe I am just too full of irritation for those who even vaguely seems to prescribe.